Tell us a Joke

  • Posted by metta on August 25, 2023 at 2:11 pm

    “A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, ‘How much?’

    “The hooker replies, ‘It starts at $500 for a hand-job.’

    “The guy says, ‘$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!’

    “The hooker says, ‘Do you see that Denny’s on the corner?’

    “‘Yes.’

    “‘Do you see the Denny’s about a block further down?’

    “‘Yes.’

    “‘And beyond that, do you see that third Denny’s?’

    “‘Yes.’

    “‘Well,’ says the hooker, smiling invitingly, ‘I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that’s worth $500.’

    “The guy says, ‘What the hell? I’ll give it a try.’

    “They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

    “He is so amazed, he says, ‘I suppose a blow-job is $1000?’

    “The hooker replies, ‘$1,500.’

    “‘$1,500? No blow-job could be worth that.’

    “The hooker replies, ‘Step over here to the window, big boy.

    Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that’s worth every cent of $1,500.’

    “The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job says, ‘Sign me up.’

    “Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can’t believe it, but he feels he truly got his money’s worth. He decides to dip into his retirement saving for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

    “He asks the hooker, ‘How much for some pussy?’

    “The hooker says, ‘Come over here to the window. Do you see how this whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?’

    “‘Damn!’ the guy says, in awe, ‘You own the whole city?’

    “‘No,’ the hooker replies, ‘but I would if I had a pussy.'”

    metta replied 5 months, 1 week ago 3 Members · 5 Replies
  • 5 Replies
  • fideloregon

    Member
    August 25, 2023 at 11:11 pm

    That is great!

  • metta

    Member
    August 27, 2023 at 12:18 am

    The genie who got rubbed the wrong way

    A gay man was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a genie’s lamp. He rubbed it and out popped a gay genie, who said, “Hey Girl, wassup?”
    The amazed man asked if he got three wishes.

    “Nope, just one,” said the genie. “Due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages and my new pumps pinching my toes, I can only grant you one wish. So … what’ll it be? The complete set of Bel Ami videos? A copy of the Marilyn Monroe ‘Happy Birthday Mr. President’ sequined dress in your size with matching shoes?”
    The man shook his head. “No, I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting one other.”

    The genie looked at the map and said, “Miss Thaaaaang, not in this lifetime!! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but not THAT good! Make another wish.”

    The man thought for a minute. “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. Could you grant me a boyfriend?”

    “Of course!” said the genie gleefully. “What’d you have in mind?”

    The man starts ticking off all the qualities he wanted: considerate, fun, warm, affectionate, handsome, hung, doesn’t drink or take drugs too much, has a great job, likes to cook, is fabulous in bed and helps clean the house.

    The Genie let out a long sigh as his chin slumped to his chest. Without looking up, he stuck his hand out and said, “Let me see that map again.”

  • metta

    Member
    September 8, 2023 at 9:54 pm
  • jonspringon

    Member
    September 12, 2023 at 7:51 pm

    I went to the doctor… I said “Doc… my throat is sore..”

    He said “I bet your knees are sore too, slut.”

    • metta

      Member
      September 12, 2023 at 11:53 pm

      🤣

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