Who to trust and feel safe to explore your bi side?

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  • Who to trust and feel safe to explore your bi side?

    Posted by HairyHungMike on September 18, 2021 at 9:44 am

    Being married, I want to find someone that I feel I can trust and be safe with sexually. I find that there are alot of men who take it very lightly and will hookup in a heartbeat. Some get offended when you ask too many questions. Does anyone have a good rule of thumb for deciding who to have sex with? And, should it be like minded men, meaning another bi guy as opposed to gay?

    BJP replied 3 weeks, 3 days ago 9 Members · 14 Replies
  • 14 Replies
  • AlphaElement

    Member
    September 18, 2021 at 11:11 am

    Women are intuitive they find out. Prepare yourself for that .

  • Bjhunter69

    Member
    September 18, 2021 at 4:39 pm

    Im in similar situation and feelings. Not sure how to act and with who but wanting to act for sure. Finding myself very selective, getting frustrated with that.

    • HairyHungMike

      Member
      September 18, 2021 at 5:38 pm

      Yes, it is very frustrating.

    • Aussieguy

      Member
      October 11, 2021 at 10:36 pm

      The way to be. Be safe.

  • Samuelb

    Member
    September 19, 2021 at 11:13 am

    Could not have given better advice than Lifter67! Consider finding another bi-identified married guy and having some type of closed-loop relationship that protects everyone’s sexual health and your marriages. It’s basically an exclusive arrangement with another bi married guy who has as much to lose as you do. There used to be an online group (Yahoo?) with the description “closed-loop” in the name.

    • Aussieguy

      Member
      October 10, 2021 at 4:23 am

      Lots of good advice here. I’ve chatted with guys on here who are really keen to explore their sexuality but are really conscious of what the outfall could be: loss of long term relationships, family, financial loss, losing contact with their kids etc. If you do find that ‘special guy’ having a strong connection is a must and then if it goes further, make sure it’s your brain that’s in action before something else! On the other hand, keeping your sanity while managing your sexuality is major!

  • HairyHungMike

    Member
    September 19, 2021 at 12:54 pm

    So far, the concensus seems to be finding another like-minded bi married guy. That’s exactly what I always thought. Let me put out this scenario: If someone gay who is not promiscuous, takes Prep, lives alone/can host, offers to give you oral with no reciprocation AND even with a condom (to make it even safer), would you?

  • Alpeace

    Member
    September 20, 2021 at 2:31 pm

    Same here…

  • joxguy31

    Member
    September 22, 2021 at 7:21 pm

    I am in the same situation. I have had a few hookups but it took lots of time and getting to know the person. I found a nice guy who is gay and has a partner and was safe and open to me about all. I have him, other than that I enjoy getting online on skype and getting off with another guy however we can haha

  • HannahLillian

    Member
    September 23, 2021 at 2:17 am

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  • BJP

    Member
    November 6, 2022 at 4:19 pm

    One of my wisdom teachers taught me to look for these 4 characteristics in a male friendship and/or relationship:

    1. Intellectual—do we connect with each other intellectually? Do we help each other gain new insights and are we able to bounce new ideas off of each other?

    2. Emotional–are we able to share our hearts with each other–both the good emotions (joy, happiness, excitement, hope, love etc) and the raw emotions (fear, uncertainty, anger, feeling lost and confused)? Do we provide a safe place for each other to vent our emotions and work through them to learn what they are teaching us?

    3. Physical–do we connect with each others’ bodies in ways that are life-giving and respectful for each other? Are we able to touch and be touched in ways that express love, strength, and compassion for each other? Are we able to talk about what works for us physically and what doesn’t?

    4. Spiritual—do we help each other deepen our relationship with God in whatever way we perceive or understand God/the Creator/the Divine? Like Jonathon and David is the Creator the “third force” in our relationship? Do we sense that the Creator has surprised us with our friendship/relationship and see it as pure gift on life’s pathway?

    My wisdom teacher invited me to see if those 4 characteristics were present in a relationship with a buddy or partner and to talk openly and honestly with myself and a buddy or partner to see how deeply we are able to connect and if the relationship is life-giving and balanced for both of us. He also suggested not to let the physical piece drive the friendship/relationship. But, rather let all 4 characteristics be present and balanced.

    What do you think of the above four ways of looking for and evaluating a deep male friendship/relationship? What would you add or revise to the above?

  • HairyHungMike

    Member
    September 18, 2021 at 5:38 pm

    Thanks for your input. I appreciate that.

  • HairyHungMike

    Member
    September 19, 2021 at 8:27 am

    That’s a good way of putting it.

  • Aussieguy

    Member
    October 10, 2021 at 4:24 am

    Spot on!