The paradox of young gay men (not) going for older men (50+)

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  • The paradox of young gay men (not) going for older men (50+)

    Posted by looking_for_older on December 14, 2024 at 4:27 am

    I can’t wrap my head around the following:
    – the notion of the gay scene being ‘youth-oriented’, ie. ‘after 30, you’re invisible‘. Some men lower their age and use old pics on dating apps,
    – the gay porn scene consists of young men, a few ‘bears‘, but rarely any fit & attractive older men,
    – the epidemic of loneliness among older gay men,
    – I saw 2 polls answered by 6000 gays. Fewer than 10% ticked ’50-60′ and ’60+’ to the question of “What age group of men do you find the hottest?” (most ticked ’21-30′). No more than 10% of guys answered ‘10 years or older‘ to “What would be the ideal age of your partner?” (most answered ‘same age or younger‘).

    On the other hand, I’ve experienced this:
    – It has always been difficult for me to find dates or even hookups with men 50+. I was attracted to men who were not feminine, relatively in-shape, preferbly no facial hair. Such men are not rare.
    – My mature gay friends, receive A LOT of attention from much younger guys, esp. on the internet. I have yet to meet a mature man (if not ‘out-of-shape‘, ‘fem-acting‘, or ‘bottom-only‘) who doesn’t get showered with attention.
    – I also noticed a pretty high number of young admirers on online ‘SilverDaddies’ groups.

    Why do so many older men suffer from loneliness, and gave up on dating? Wouldn’t an all-round personal development ease the dating game for most?

    My humble opinion:
    Even though most men are not into ‘daddies’, the number of men within the 20-40 age group is waaay higher than of men 50+, due to factors such as:
    – immigration,
    – international dating (in homophobic societies, men have to marry by 30),
    – differences in libido,
    – few technologically savvy older men,
    – a huge number has somehow ‘disappeared’, either due to the AIDS-epidemic, or other health issues, which disproportionately affect the LGBTQ-community. Even though Grindr has become the most popular dating app for older men, the percentage of older man remains tiny compared to younger age groups, even in the US.
    – Since most gays are ‘bottoms’, they expand their age-range search radius,
    – Greater discrepancy of perceived attractiveness; most young men are naturally attractive due to their youth, whereas men who remain attractive with age, usually take good care of themselves, and the numbers are smaller.

    Many years ago, my average-looking friend Stan (69) has stopped attending the gay scene, ‘because he likes younger men and doesn’t want to make a fool of himself’. After a lot of convincing, he created a profile on Grindr… and the result is, as he said: ‘It’s raining men, hallelujah!‘.

    I’m attaching 4 screenshots from a discussion with chatGPT.

    looking_for_older replied 3 months, 3 weeks ago 2 Members · 2 Replies
  • 2 Replies
  • AlphaElement

    Member
    December 17, 2024 at 4:18 pm

    Not my experience . Love is for the young. I’m invisible at my age. A friend has a younger Bf but it’s a rent boy type relationship similar to dating an older women who just looking for Deep pockets daddy.

  • looking_for_older

    Member
    December 26, 2024 at 10:53 am

    This is unfortunate, but also odd, because your profile sounds very appealing. Have you tried Grindr? You are based in the US; have you travel to other countries and tried to date there?

    I base the opinion of huge interest in older men based on my experience in Denmark, Norway, Iceland, the UK, and especially Sweden. And of course, all the 3rd world countries, but some of this interest might be financial.

    11 years ago I’ve visited Washington DC, and I was surprised how much attention I have received from men, esp. after having been invisible in Europe. However, I concluded that they were interested because I was ‘exotic’, since there are very few adults with naturally light blond hair and blue eyes in DC.

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