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Hey guys. I hope you can help me out here as Im stumped. Its a little of a crazy time for me. One. today would have been my fiance's birthday. He passed away 9-11-01 in the attacks agaisnt the World Trade Center. Ive been alone for most of that time mourning and really wondering if its okay or even the right time to move on. Almost thee years ago, I saw and later that day met a really amazing guy that I honeslty want as a friend. Something about him told me everything about him and who he was. He's become so much more and honestly I find myself now not just thinking but knowing its okay to move on. While we are friends before anything and NO ive never do anything sexual with this guy. He's a real gentelman whom belives in courtship which I greatly enjoy. We have been doing things from a long distance relationship aspect but thats changing. My job is moving closer to him and i get to see him more often. We are doing alot of the same hobbies together. I don't just think... I know I'm in love with this. He is the only other guy to really make my world so complete and the thing about it is... i dont think he's even really tried hard to. Its just kind of happening. It will be 3 years that I have known him on 9-23-05 and i want to get him something. I usually get him little thing from time to time like graphic tees, or polos, usually clothes since I'm a manager for Express. But I want to get him something more... he graduates from school soon and will be an accountant. Im just not sure what to get him. I want something that really expresses my love and affection for him but also the fact that yes he is my best friend. And thats how we treat each other first im confused on what to do. So here is the question... should I ditch the whole Frienship aspect and just take a chance and get something really like that makes it clear or... something intense but inbetween? Maybe you won't understand what im asking but for thoes that do. what would you do? we are not offically BFs but according to him we are dating and have been for a long while. Id say im more the "girl" in the relationship but like I said... I just dont know what to do. Im going to stop now since I think im rambling but I really would like some ideas. Please help anyway you can. Thanks again.

Ryan

Why not get him a nice watch. Or maybe a tailored suit.

Very touching, Ryan. You've really been through a lot and I really hope this works out for you.

Rather than a gift, have you considered a surprise trip? Even if it's just an overnighter. When I think back I can't name one gift my boyfriend has given me. What I do remember are all the great times we've shared together. A cute little B&B somewhere?

What a great story. Thank you for sharing.

How about getting him a piece of jewelry? There is some really great, yet not expensive stuff on this website...

http://www.loveandpride.com/default.aspx

Maybe something you can do together? Like cooking classes or a trip somewhere that you've both been talking about? A shared interest that might also help you test the waters and get more comfortable with each other.

Best of luck, man.

Hi Ryan,
I am sorry for all you had to go through in the past and I am happy that you have met someone. It is time to move on. I wouldn't want my partner to be alone if something had happened to me. Like you he is a good man and deserves to be happy. I like the Idea of a little get away. Something you both enjoy. Maybe a bed N Breakfast somewhere? A place where you can get out and enjoy the sights, or go to a show and have a nice dinner. Is there anything or anywhere that you both have talked about, that you would like to see? Good luck! Let us know how you make out.

I would take certain factors into consideration first.

You've expressed that you're in love with him. But does he feel the same way? You said he classified your relationship as dating. In my mind, dating implies lack of exclusivity. I get the impression that you're letting him be the one to have control of what is happening between the two of you. You haven't said that you know he's in love with you as well.

Really I think the only one that can answer the question best out of all of us is you. You are the one that knows this guy and what he likes. Don't buy him a special gift because you believe it is your way of telling him you love him. Tell him how you feel so that you don't create problems in the future for yourself. Honest communication is the best way to make sure you know where you stand.

Some people believe that their actions can represent what they really should be communicating verbally. If you buy a gift for someone with the intent to express your love, that's great. But if you interpret his acceptance of that gift as his way of reciprocating the same level of affection toward you then that may cause problems later down the line.

I'm very sorry that you lost your previous boyfriend in the tragedy of 9-11. It's been nearly 7 years. I believe your late boyfriend would want you to move on with life and be happy with a new special someone. If you have trouble believing this then just reverse the roles. I bet you would want your boyfriend to move on if you were no longer of this world. One crucial element to truly loving someone is wishing them happiness regardless if that incorporates you or not in their life.

Hope my input doesn't come off as harsh. I know you wanted advice on a gift but I felt inclined to respond with a bit more. I say seize the moment. Tell him how you feel. It's been a long time that you've known this guy. Three years and you haven't experienced sex with this person? If he doesn't feel the same way then hopefully it should be fine since you are happy to be his friend in any event. But this way you know where you stand and can pursue it further or move on.

Good luck!

Wow... thanks guys for all the input. I mean I told him I loved him recently and if anything he was surprised. I don't think he knew really just how much he means to me. I've bought him things in the past... a graphic tee or two in the past but I know that just cause I got him something that doesn't mean anything by him accepting it either. I haven't experinced sex or really anything with him because as he put it when we first met.. he likes the courtship. I mean you guys are so right. I want to do something with him like... I dont know maybe a concert or something. We both like classical music and he loves the cello.... and actually I can play cello hah. If I had one, I might just play it for him. I think that would be nice something along thoes lines. I know its something we both would enjoy. It not so much that I want to have sex with this guy or anything like that I mean honestly... because I know how I feel about him... I'm not ready for that. If it happens, it happens but because of the friendship involved I think thats what keeps things as they are. We both kind of I guess fill in the gaps the other lacks alot of the time. I've kind of felt like he's pulled away a little bit but then he's quick to be like hey im sorry I haven't called lately been busy with work or something and he makes good effort you know? I totally see not selling myself short and why I should be aware and careful. Im worth more than that. Thanks for you help and for all the good wishes. I wish you all the same. I'll let you know what happens. I think Im going to see if there is a concert or something around that time. Seems to me like that might be the best idea so far.

guess it depends on the budget..... watches, nice ones are great, as are suits for the 'real world'. my fav is a trip to get away after all that hard work- just u and him!!!

plus could help u make the best friend bud sex thing cum all 2geter....

Hey Ryan,
I'm really glad you have found someone after the horror of 9/11. I can tell by your writing that you really care for and appreciate this man.

Wow, you bought him polos in the past?? Lucky guy (jk)... I agree that now might mean more and I think its a great idea to get something that meshes with his upcoming professional career. I would get him something that really means something however, not just some piece to put in an office...and that it be simple. I have a suggestion for you..

Either a tietack or a tiebar. If he has to wear a tie, get a tietack or bar that he would like and use. A couple of the ones I use were given to me by a long time friend, she and I have been friends since 2nd grade. Its not costly and he will remember you gave it to him.

I think tickets to a concert would be a good way to go. You will be able to share the experience together and it's a nice gift.