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The "Intimidating" Label
Hidden/Deleted Member	Jul 31, 2008 3:48 PM GMT Quote Have you ever been described in general as "intimidating?" If so, what is it about you that seems intimidating to other people? Have you felt the need to "correct" the impression by making a few changes? - - - - - - - - - - - - - I've been called intimidating many, many times. I'm more of an introvert, so I think this contributes to the impression I give off. Plus, I've been described as "too smart," which I find strange. I've also been referred to as "on another level," whatever that means. (hopefully it's not a low one) I've begun to understand where these impressions are coming from, but I don't feel the need to make that huge an adjustment. I make friends rather easily, and those who get to know me like hanging out with me. But I'm not the type gets energized by regular public exposure. And yes, my mind works on the weird side sometimes. But hey, I can't change that.

ROYCE13 Posts: 92	Jul 31, 2008 6:06 PM GMT Quote Thanks for a more interesting subject for a change. I get the "intimidating" label almost daily and I am tired of the label as well. And yes I sometimes consider trying to change to be less intimidating. However, when I inquire why I am considered "intimidating" then I say why bother, they are actually complimenting me, not insulting me. They just see a positive, person, secure in themselves who is always doing something interesting or has many talents, dresses well, travels etc... see the picture. The grass is never greener I tell them, It costs to be someone else, we all have insecurities and problems. Because one does things, is positive and hopeful, and does not complain about life and things, people to not understand this. The reason people find people intimidating, is because society is placing everyone or trying to place everyone on a pedestal, and then they want to knock them off. People are intimidated by peoples position in life or status in life. I try to tell people that what someone does and has is not important to anybody else. Everybody is a human being with the same set of emotions, etc... so why be intimidated by some one. As you are I am an introvert, like being by myself, travel by myself, entertain and spend time by myself, I like me. On profile or personality tests, I get tagged as an unusual extroverted introvert. Which is how I viewed myself before I heard this label. People just do not know how to deal with individuals who are independent thinkers, without aires or attitudes. I am only at times, intimidated by a highly evolved mind and collection of experiences in a person, but if I am intimidated by someone, it is my being intimidated, not them intimidating on to me. I like if I am intimidated by someone, it motivates me to get to know them or approach them, not tear them down or say you are "intimidating".
a1972guy Posts: 2340	Jul 31, 2008 6:12 PM GMT Quote I get it ALL OF THE TIME!!! At times I wish that I could alter that perception however perception is what others see as opposed what/who I really am, so if we can all get over what is perceived we'll all find out that I am not what is perceived; plus it filters out some of the whack jobs out there w/o me doing anything at all!!
HighVoltageGu... Posts: 1536	Jul 31, 2008 6:17 PM GMT Quote Yesterday you started a thread about "which type of guy are you? The one who asks people out or the one who gets asked out." Typically when I see a guy who is interested in me but doesn't come my way, I make a point to step over to him and chat. Small talk at first ensues but then I ask why he didn't come over> "You're intimidating. You give off that energy that you're a pampas ass and don't want to talk to anyone other than those already in your group." Now while I can be a bitch (okay...I am...but only to those who deserve it), many others say it's because I don't smile all that much. Why I need to smile 24/7/365 (366 on a leap year) is beyond me. It just goes to show you that you can't judge a book by it's cover.
auryn Posts: 1670	Jul 31, 2008 6:28 PM GMT Quote OMG! just look at my pictures... how the hell can I intimidate someone, but apparently, I've been told that I do. One older friend of mine said it's a sense that people get when they feel they have to have their shit together in order to approach the person they find intimidating. It can be an intensity in the eyes, which you have, or just the way you approach life that resonates in the way you walk, talk, etc. Since we guys are so afraid of rejection, until we've had a few highballs, we tend to project a "No" onto someone. Or if we think it may be a "Yes" we still get scared. It's sometimes a lose-lose situation... If you make the first move, they run. If you wait for them to make the first move, they run. Treat the guys like we have to treat my boyfriend's dog. Walk up to him slowly, let him smell your hand as he cowers, then he'll get comfortable with you and start licking your face.
kryptonic Posts: 424	Jul 31, 2008 6:30 PM GMT Quote i used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns.
ROYCE13 Posts: 92	Jul 31, 2008 6:32 PM GMT Quote I do not think that carverhouse was talking about bar room or pick up behavior in his use of the subject matter, but I could be wrong,
RedKoste Posts: 243	Jul 31, 2008 7:21 PM GMT Quote I used to get that at work a lot. Really, there is nothing about me that should be intimidating but I admit I used to be pissed off a lot at that particular job. I guess everyone was afraid of me because of that. My way of correcting that was to change jobs and now I'm much happier and no one seems to be scared of me at work. Socially, I guess sometimes people perceive me as intimidating. I once volunteered for a local "bear" event and while talking to someone there I was told he had been afraid to approach me thinking I wouldn't talk to him. This was based mostly on the way I looked, I was told. I think since I lost weight I'm perceived this way more often by strangers. It's really fascinating to me how a change in appearance affects that.
swimbikerun Posts: 1013	Jul 31, 2008 7:39 PM GMT Quote kryptonic saidi used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns. I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes.
kryptonic Posts: 424	Jul 31, 2008 7:40 PM GMT Quote swimbikerun said kryptonic saidi used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns. I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes. wait...which look is that? the one where my eyes are throwing spikes? or the one when hellfire shoots out of them?
swimbikerun Posts: 1013	Jul 31, 2008 7:42 PM GMT Quote kryptonic said swimbikerun said kryptonic saidi used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns. I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes. wait...which look is that? the one where my eyes are throwing spikes? or the one when hellfire shoots out of them? No, the look just after you've made out with some random dude.
HighVoltageGu... Posts: 1536	Jul 31, 2008 7:53 PM GMT Quote swimbikerun said kryptonic said swimbikerun said kryptonic saidi used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns. I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes. wait...which look is that? the one where my eyes are throwing spikes? or the one when hellfire shoots out of them? No, the look just after you've made out with some random dude. I thought we were talking about his O face?
RuggerATX Posts: 2920	Jul 31, 2008 8:28 PM GMT Quote carverhouse saidHave you ever been described in general as "intimidating?" If so, what is it about you that seems intimidating to other people? Have you felt the need to "correct" the impression by making a few changes? - - - - - - - - - - - - - I've been called intimidating many, many times. I'm more of an introvert, so I think this contributes to the impression I give off. Plus, I've been described as "too smart," which I find strange. I've also been referred to as "on another level," whatever that means. (hopefully it's not a low one) I've begun to understand where these impressions are coming from, but I don't feel the need to make that huge an adjustment. I make friends rather easily, and those who get to know me like hanging out with me. But I'm not the type gets energized by regular public exposure. And yes, my mind works on the weird side sometimes. But hey, I can't change that. You've informed us that you are perceived as too smart and on another level. You also have told us that you find it easy to make friends and that people like hanging out with you. According to this assessment, you sound like a rather exceptional human being. I'd attempt to add some insight to your questions, but frankly, you've intimidated me too much with all this amazingness. I don't think I can hang.
YngHungSFSD Posts: 411	Jul 31, 2008 8:30 PM GMT Quote Actually, just had a friend tell me this the other day in response to a question about what the deal is with guys around here. He said my quiet, introverted (extroverted only if you get to know me) nature,combined with my physical size/presence combine to make me a very intimidating person to approach. I was shocked, completely stunned by this, as I've never thought of myself to be an intimidating person. I'm actually quite the opposite in my view. I find it somewhat disturbing that an intelligent, quiet, thoughtful guy that takes care of himself translates somehow into being "intimidating". Apparently, we never know how we look through other peoples eyes.
RuggerATX Posts: 2920	Jul 31, 2008 8:36 PM GMT Quote YngHungSFSD saidActually, just had a friend tell me this the other day in response to a question about what the deal is with guys around here. He said my quiet, introverted (extroverted only if you get to know me) nature,combined with my physical size/presence combine to make me a very intimidating person to approach. I was shocked, completely stunned by this, as I've never thought of myself to be an intimidating person. I'm actually quite the opposite in my view. I find it somewhat disturbing that an intelligent, quiet, thoughtful guy that takes care of himself translates somehow into being "intimidating". Apparently, we never know how we look through other peoples eyes. Look...I'm pretty sure when someone says they are intimidated by you it simply means they don't think much of themselves and feel they're not worthy or cannot compare (a flawed activity on its own). It's all about them. ...unless you come wearing brass knuckles or something.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Jul 31, 2008 8:45 PM GMT Quote Thanks for responding, guys! XRuggerATX said You've informed us that you are perceived as too smart and on another level. You also have told us that you find it easy to make friends and that people like hanging out with you. According to this assessment, you sound like a rather exceptional human being. I'd attempt to add some insight to your questions, but frankly, you've intimidated me too much with all this amazingness. I don't think I can hang. Well, intimidation really boils down to perception. I find it easy to make friends, yes, but I usually don't make the first move. And people like to hang out with me because I'm the listening type.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Jul 31, 2008 8:53 PM GMT Quote When I weighed a lean 252lb of muscle I was pretty intimidating. Women were such bitches to me. I really didn't know what it was coming from. I moved and thought perhaps I was in a more snooty environment. But now that I weigh 230 I think I intimidate people less. Women in the same environment that I've seen in the past are now smiling and talking to me. I'm not talking about being flirtatious. Just polite banter when in public areas together.
palikari Posts: 145	Jul 31, 2008 9:00 PM GMT Quote carverhouse saidHave you ever been described in general as "intimidating?" Yes, many times If so, what is it about you that seems intimidating to other people? Being 6'5 with a serious disposition (most of the time). Have you felt the need to "correct" the impression by making a few changes? No - I don't need to be bubbly and everyone's best friend.
RuggerATX Posts: 2920	Jul 31, 2008 9:04 PM GMT Quote carverhouse saidThanks for responding, guys! XRuggerATX said You've informed us that you are perceived as too smart and on another level. You also have told us that you find it easy to make friends and that people like hanging out with you. According to this assessment, you sound like a rather exceptional human being. I'd attempt to add some insight to your questions, but frankly, you've intimidated me too much with all this amazingness. I don't think I can hang. Well, intimidation really boils down to perception. I find it easy to make friends, yes, but I usually don't make the first move. And people like to hang out with me because I'm the listening type. Wow so even when you don't make an effort people still want to make friends with you. I'm so intimidated now I don't think I can even visit this thread anymore. I'm not worthy.
RuggerATX Posts: 2920	Jul 31, 2008 9:09 PM GMT Quote Maybe all these guys who keep getting "labeled" as intimidating are somehow good at attracting guys who are easily intimidated. Some even seem to be able to attract guys who really need a good listener. That's all well and good, if you seek all the power in a relationship. As for me...been there. Done that. Got bored quick.
RuggerATX Posts: 2920	Jul 31, 2008 9:13 PM GMT Quote fatass saidxrugger you can talk to me about your issues here even though I am very intimidating because i am also an amazing listener and i will still like you even if i'm inclined not to because of my awesomeness. You scare me. I'm just gonna go fetal and clutch my stuffed teddy instead. Now go run and tell everyone how awesomely intimidating you are! ;-P (Welcome to RJ by the way. We need more fatasses around here. Seriously. For thirty seconds during one one IM session with some faceless troll a few months back I was the only fatass on RJ. Heh.)
kryptonic Posts: 424	Jul 31, 2008 9:17 PM GMT Quote HighVoltageGuy said swimbikerun said kryptonic said swimbikerun said I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes. wait...which look is that? the one where my eyes are throwing spikes? or the one when hellfire shoots out of them? No, the look just after you've made out with some random dude. I thought we were talking about his O face? swimbikerun = i thought that face was more of "i'm all worked up, who's next?" highvoltageguy = maybe it's a cross between that and my O face?
RuggerATX Posts: 2920	Jul 31, 2008 9:25 PM GMT Quote fatass saidxrugger step into my rolls royce. you're not intimidated by that are you? Do you find me more than a man? is that why you're intimidated? Is it My high voltage energy that makes you afraid of me? Hahahah. :-)
SoDakGuy Posts: 649	Jul 31, 2008 9:31 PM GMT Quote I get that I look intimidating all the time. I never use to, but since I am bald and my body is pretty built ... I get this intimidating vibe. I don't mean to. I'm usually just bored or lost in my thoughts. I'm usually thinking what to get for groceries or what to do at home.
SurrealLife Posts: 4931	Jul 31, 2008 9:40 PM GMT Quote Yes. Due to my physical appearance (shaved head, serious demeanor), and my calmness under pressure at work. I also can give answers to questions without stumbling or looking uncomfortable. Some people that are less secure seem to find this "intimidating". I personally never try and intimidate people, but I am not the smarmy type either, so I don't spend a lot of mental energy trying to put people at ease.
RuggerATX Posts: 2920	Jul 31, 2008 9:43 PM GMT Quote Actually, I have another theory as to why some guys claim to be "intimidated" by y'all. They're trying to tell you they're bottoms. Think about it.
KentuckyTuss Posts: 160	Jul 31, 2008 9:45 PM GMT Quote I think at one time or another we all get labeled as intimidating. Most people seem to say that it's their personalities that intimidate potential game (err.. boyfriends) But that's really not the case with me. For me it's the classic ol "got-it-from-my-father" physical and mental intimidation. Why I rarely ever feel the need to act angrily towards someone.. I've been told that when I do, it's enough to make everybody in the room feel as small as a mouse. Thankfully enough.. as far as being approachable.. most people don't seem intimidated by me at all. I like it like that.
getfitrick Posts: 190	Jul 31, 2008 9:53 PM GMT Quote This is a funny topic because I recall some people telling me at first when they meet me I'm intimidating, really don't know why
BigSETXjock Posts: 400	Jul 31, 2008 10:41 PM GMT Quote Often after a night out at the clubs, I'll get emails on realjock, myspace, AOL, or yahoo from people who say they saw me, but were too scared to come up and talk. They sometimes use the word "intimidating," but I'm really puzzled by that. I'm may be a big guy but I'll talk to anyone and am always happy to meet new people. I do my best to look inviting and welcoming, but for some reason, I'm perceived as "intimidating."
GQjock Posts: 4020	Jul 31, 2008 10:45 PM GMT Quote my friends give me that all the TIME Me coming from NY I guess it's just part of my DNA My sunny disposition isn't meant for everybody and if I'm in club and I'm touched inappropriately you're not gonna like what I tell you depending on what you look like tho
Hidden/Deleted Member	Jul 31, 2008 10:49 PM GMT Quote fatass saidProbably because of the same reasons the rest of us have this problem. We are just so amazing in so many ways. Oh now, McGay, this was too easy.
BigSETXjock Posts: 400	Jul 31, 2008 11:42 PM GMT Quote GQjock said...if I'm in club and I'm touched inappropriately you're not gonna like what I tell you... Please... touch me inappropriately ;)
HndsmKansan Posts: 3274	Aug 01, 2008 3:01 AM GMT Quote Yes, I've been described as intimidating, not sure why. I find that kind of puzzling, but I have been described as kind of detached, arrogant and even "aloof" by some who are critical. I don't think any are correct.
fluxu8 Posts: 429	Aug 01, 2008 3:53 AM GMT Quote and those descriptions are not correct about you HndsmKansan. You are a great guy. Maybe the one's that thought that about you just had not had the chance to get to know you better..or maybe they were going through some sort of brief bad time themselves and projected those labels onto you. In any case...you are a very nice guy.
fluxu8 Posts: 429	Aug 01, 2008 3:54 AM GMT Quote and anyone that has the good fortune to retain your freindship would be damn lucky.
26mileman Posts: 708	Aug 01, 2008 4:57 AM GMT Quote I'll join the intimidating club too! My confidence and introversion is often mislabelled as aggressive and arrogant. When I was younger and concerned about such labels, I did make a sincere effort to be extra sociable. The labels change to something else anyway. Now I just don't care. People that take the extra step to meet me are plesantly surprised.
asupas Posts: 192	Aug 01, 2008 5:12 AM GMT Quote Intimidating = hot in my book but I'm not sure why! (and indeed many of the guys on this thread are SMOKING hot) I've never been described as intimidating but I don't think I would mind it at all.. isn't it kind of a compliment about your impressive stature, good looks, or the way you carry yourself?
fluxu8 Posts: 429	Aug 01, 2008 5:38 AM GMT Quote and THAT is very true too...sometimes it is definitely a compliment.
joescorpio197... Posts: 852	Aug 01, 2008 3:19 PM GMT Quote I'm just told I look mean. I think it's funny since I'm actually a dork.
VinBaltimore Posts: 225	Aug 01, 2008 3:32 PM GMT Quote joescorpio1970 saidI'm just told I look mean. I think it's funny since I'm actually a dork. Yeah, I TOTALLY thought of you when I saw the title of this thread. Not because I think you look mean, of course. But I know you've said it tends to happen to you. I don't think I look intimidating ENOUGH to be honest. Any one will walk up and talk to me out of the blue. I've been told it's because I look friendly, but I think it's just a nice way of saying I look easy
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 01, 2008 3:35 PM GMT Quote [quote] Wow so even when you don't make an effort people still want to make friends with you. I'm so intimidated now I don't think I can even visit this thread anymore. I'm not worthy.[/quote] Eeep! ((exits thread))
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 01, 2008 3:50 PM GMT Quote I intimidate guys all the time. Don't mean to,I just do. I'm always nice when someone comes up to me, but I can tell I make them nervous. I don't bite, I promise, unless you're into that. HA!
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 02, 2008 4:01 AM GMT Quote At my last job some thought I was intimidating, I didn't understand how, other than I keep to myself a bit. This kid asked me a question and while I was thinking about it and he says: "Geez man calm down, it looks like your gonna kill me!" I was "Huh?". I don't think I look overtly mean, so I don't get it. I guess if you mind your own business, don't join in on bullshit story or tear down sessions you're 'dangerous'. I'm a firm believer if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your trap shut... unless it's the human rat of a pathological liar who is trying to convince you that he ran over a chimp on the highway in L.A.
joescorpio197... Posts: 852	Aug 02, 2008 1:11 PM GMT Quote VinBaltimore said joescorpio1970 saidI'm just told I look mean. I think it's funny since I'm actually a dork. Yeah, I TOTALLY thought of you when I saw the title of this thread. Not because I think you look mean, of course. But I know you've said it tends to happen to you. I don't think I look intimidating ENOUGH to be honest. Any one will walk up and talk to me out of the blue. I've been told it's because I look friendly, but I think it's just a nice way of saying I look easy Haha! It's true though. Whenever I take a picture of myself, I look angry. It's my normal "resting" face, lol. It's just ironic since I rarely get angry. As soon as I smile though, it goes away. ...and yes, you look easy.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 02, 2008 1:22 PM GMT Quote I'm told I'm intimidating all the time when I dress up in my special shoes and rubber outfits.
bgcat57 Posts: 1136	Aug 02, 2008 1:38 PM GMT Quote In a business environment, I've been told this by interns and some younger employees. I try to address it by pointing out that (and demonstrating) that contrary opinions should be expressed as long as you can back up your argument. It's not about 'personal feelings' its about good design and good business practices. I also point out that alternative viewpoints may also bring to light, issues that were not previously considered, either directly or indirectly. HOWEVER, in a social environment, I have never been called intimidating. I tend to be the wallflower type particularly if I'm alone. If I'm in group of good friends, then the camaraderie that we have may seem intimidating. I'm nowhere near 'big enough' to be scary, and even though I smile a lot, (not in a simpleton sort of way), I don't get a lot of people walking up to me and talking to me unless they're really drunk. I keep thinking 'Is there toilet paper stuck to my shoe?' Sometimes I think my life would make a great sitcom, except the writer's would keep saying "Yes, I know that happened to you, be we have to rewrite it to make it believable."
bwg77 Posts: 235	Aug 02, 2008 1:44 PM GMT Quote Yeah, I used to wonder why I always had to make the first move with everyone. One night I saw a group of guys I had seen out several times, I knew one of them in particular was interested. Well, I had just enough alcohol in me to walk up and ask him why he always looked at me but never introduced himself. That was the first time I had ever been called intimidating...I was pretty floored by that. Yeah, I might not be that guy that has a permasmile plastered on his face all the time but always thought I was more than approachable. I jokingly told the guy that if he didn't have the balls to approach me then I probably won't be that in to him anyway After we chatted a bit, he and his friends apologized for having the wrong impression of me. I think a lot of the time the person that is intimidated might just be insecure or afraid of rejection...doesn't actually have a thing to do with someone else being intimidating. I think we've all been guilty of this at some point. On my last vacation, I made a serious attempt to smile more and put off a friendlier vibe....it made no difference what so ever which leads me to believe that guys are either going to approach you or not and it has very little to do with you.
Pattison Posts: 2103	Aug 02, 2008 2:21 PM GMT Quote Being the approachable silent type. it always confused me why people would think One is intimidating. On a very rare occasion, One finds himself in a gay establishment. A guy may think he has balls to come and talk to me, and then i get asked am I str8, as I don't look like I fit in. Gees. I'm just not into any cliques, or the bullshit. I play by my rules. Mind you this helped One get expelled from school, as One is not a sheep, and pl ayes by my own rules. Some students felt One was intimidating. lol. But one the very rare occasion One is angry, people then do fear me. But thats their issue, and not mine. I mean to say: The things you see in the city, when you don't have a gun. But One is not intimidating! I love it if I go to a place I've not worked before, and there is some young flamer working there, and they see me coming, and One sees them go real pale with fear. But it's their fear, they have to own it. I've done nothing to deserve their fear. One then aces as if I've not even noticed them, or their flaming.
mnjock2003 Posts: 433	Aug 02, 2008 2:26 PM GMT Quote Pattison said and there is some young flamer working there, and they see me coming, and One sees them go real pale with fear. Are you walking around wearing a hockey mask and carrying a bloody axe or what? Why would people go pale with fear when they see you?
Pattison Posts: 2103	Aug 02, 2008 2:39 PM GMT Quote mnjock2003 said Pattison said and there is some young flamer working there, and they see me coming, and One sees them go real pale with fear. Are you walking around wearing a hockey mask and carrying a bloody axe or what? Why would people go pale with fear when they see you? I have pondered this myself? But One is built like an out door shit house, and when I walk, One is normally in deep thought, thus no smile. I can have a look. So when these young guys see me coming, they must think here comes trouble; for them. Yet old lady's adore me; but I have a smile for them.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 02, 2008 6:34 PM GMT Quote If one more time I hear someone say to me that they were afraid of me, but now that they know me I'm not scary...........I swear......I'm going to punch them out.
redheadguy Posts: 2365	Aug 02, 2008 10:36 PM GMT Quote Nope, no-one has ever described me as intimidating. But then I am neither stuck up nor ludicrously tall.
Pattison Posts: 2103	Aug 02, 2008 10:56 PM GMT Quote redheadguy saidNope, no-one has ever described me as intimidating. But then I am neither stuck up nor ludicrously tall. Sorry mate. But you are also a pommy. We Aussies have never found the pommies intimidating.
smalltownboy Posts: 288	Aug 02, 2008 11:24 PM GMT Quote Yeah, I get that alot...though I don't understand it...I'm certainly not physically intimidating, but from what I've gathered from people is I simply exude an aura of I don't want you to approach me....if I sense someone is looking at me, I tend to turn my back to them and if they come up and attempt to talk to me, I'm prone to saying something like...."I'm gonna go stand over here now"... I genuinely like people, but I suppose in some (but not all) social situations, I don't want to feel like I'm being singled out... Even when people get to know me, I've been told I remain "intimidating"....I suppose I should see it as a compliment, but I'm still left to sratch my head...I seriously wish I could see myself the way others see me as apparently my friends view me as someone they'd like to aspire to (being). I like the "role model" thing, but sometimes its hard to live up to those sorts of expectations others place upon us....
innerathlete Posts: 512	Aug 02, 2008 11:31 PM GMT Quote Yeah, I get it sometimes. Mostly because I can be pretty reserved before I know people well and I don't feel the need to put up much of a social front. My shyness often has me keep certain people at an arm's length and I think that makes some of them ill at ease. bwgOn my last vacation, I made a serious attempt to smile more and put off a friendlier vibe....it made no difference what so ever which leads me to believe that guys are either going to approach you or not and it has very little to do with you. Aw, come on, you're intimidating because you're cute!
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 02, 2008 11:55 PM GMT Quote redheadguy saidNope, no-one has ever described me as intimidating. But then I am neither stuck up nor ludicrously tall. /nosarcasm Would you like a cookie?
Arkguy84 Posts: 35	Aug 10, 2008 5:15 PM GMT Quote I sadly am known for being the most intimidating / hard ass person here in my city. When in fact I'm far from!
Sedative Posts: 6092	Aug 10, 2008 5:22 PM GMT Quote People think the opposite of me... I'm apparently so harmless that when the girls in our class needed something done that nobody wanted to do, They pick me out, beg, wheedle, cry, guilt, and order me, because they know I wouldn't be able to resist feminine crocodile tears. I was abused in High School by pretty girls wanting favors.
GNOME08 Posts: 75	Aug 15, 2008 9:20 PM GMT Quote Sometimes the label "intimidating" is used by a guy who know if they hook up they would enjoy it, and OMG he might have to be the Bottom. Defense mech for wannabe TOPS
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 18, 2008 6:05 AM GMT Quote Oi, I figured it out. I was on the lazy boy and caught a glimpse of myself in the entertainment center's glass doors, initial thought: What the hell's his problem? When I don't wear my contacts, which is never, I squint and look like a Burned out Man at the End of his Rope with Nothing to Lose™ mean.
geras Posts: 92	Aug 18, 2008 6:56 AM GMT Quote I have been told that I seem unapproachable sometime, not the same as intimidating, but I don't understand it. I feel nothing, except maybe basic physical attraction, towards other people until I have had conversation. Until I talk to someone I will just carry a neutral expression which may seem intimidating.
pakgreekguy Posts: 366	Aug 18, 2008 8:12 AM GMT Quote ive been labled "intimidating" for the simple fact that i can scare the hell out of small children(and many adults too....ive also been labled "intimidating" because of my mysterious, brooding, exotic, handsome looks
ursamajor Posts: 1897	Aug 18, 2008 8:47 AM GMT Quote 007 "do you want me to talk?" AUric Goldfinger "No Mr. Bond, I want you to die".
DiverScience Posts: 1021	Aug 18, 2008 12:36 PM GMT Quote Frequently. Despite being short and shy. Change? Not really, considering the most common reason given is that I am informed and opinionated and that's not going to change any time soon.
SurrealLife Posts: 4931	Aug 18, 2008 12:42 PM GMT Quote DiverScience saidFrequently. Despite being short and shy. Change? Not really, considering the most common reason given is that I am informed and opinionated and that's not going to change any time soon. That is funny DiverScience you never struck me as opinionated. Well maybe just a tad.
Kyivite Posts: 73	Aug 18, 2008 1:04 PM GMT Quote Intimidating, standoffish, aloof, arrogant... yes they've all been used to describe me and to an extent it is true - i can be all those things in the right context... My profession (barrister (non-practising at the moment) tends to stress the arrogance and aloofness(as it's all about projecting confidence and knowledge - when sometimes you are scared shitless) and yes, you can do that without being arrogant, but believe me it goes with the territory! I am also a shy person when thrown into a room full of people i don't know, i have always waited for people to approach me, rather than diving in and making the first move... that's just my nature and even though i have tried to change it somewhat, i revert to type very quickly, so have given up... this is me! As a consequence I used to get frustrated by the labels and the reactions, but now (age, maturity etc), I leave it to those who wish to get to know me better, persevering and realising very soon that this is only one side to my character... i do actually have some nice traits to
DiverScience Posts: 1021	Aug 18, 2008 1:10 PM GMT Quote SurrealLife said That is funny DiverScience you never struck me as opinionated. Well maybe just a tad. ::chuckles:: It's kind of a natural consequence of being fairly well read and erudite.
SurrealLife Posts: 4931	Aug 18, 2008 1:13 PM GMT Quote Erudite, I like that. A word you don't associate with jocks that is for sure!
ANFJock21 Posts: 18	Aug 18, 2008 1:42 PM GMT Quote I love this thread... I always seem to get this label when I'm out with my friends, and for the life of me I don't understand why I'm typically shy (Probably why I don't have a BF) and so in a new group, I'm usually a lil less talkative than most people. I also feel that it is a way for someone to get out of talking to someone, because lets face it, who wants to talk to an intimidating guy?
TigerTim Posts: 989	Aug 18, 2008 1:43 PM GMT Quote There is not one guy on this site that is actually a jock. We're all just playing. I have been told I'm Intimidating.....
DiverScience Posts: 1021	Aug 18, 2008 1:48 PM GMT Quote SurrealLife saidErudite, I like that. A word you don't associate with jocks that is for sure! Neither are the numbers of advanced degrees on this site, and yet they're some of the most sports-involved people here!
TigerTim Posts: 989	Aug 18, 2008 1:52 PM GMT Quote DiverScience isn't intimidating at all. He is however utterly luscious.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 18, 2008 2:14 PM GMT Quote TigerTim saidThere is not one guy on this site that is actually a jock. We're all just playing. I have been told I'm Intimidating..... No jocks? Mister "I snowboard, run, bike, kite-surf...." Pfft...now that I've enumerated your athletic past times, yes, you CAN be intimidating. And that's before the PhD in physics is even brought up! Course all that is swept away if you've ever seen him get excited about the possibility of snowboarding
matt45710 Posts: 793	Aug 18, 2008 2:43 PM GMT Quote Gigadu said Course all that is swept away if you've ever seen him get excited about the possibility of snowboarding Oh, you mean the jumping up and down with hands and feet in the air? I get occasionally that I'm intimidating as I usually am a presence in a crowd and people talk to me, or I'm usually in charge of getting a group moving. That can scare some people.
ObsceneWish Posts: 3566	Aug 18, 2008 2:57 PM GMT Quote Oh, I think "intimidating" is one of those words many gay men enjoy having applied to themselves, because it can imply that you're just so much hotter, smarter, bigger, better than the average. The word has become a virtual compliment. I know there are plenty of exceptions to this -- an angry demeanor is truly intimidating, as extreme shyness can be. But for the most part, I think it's heard as as a compliment. Just read this thread.
iguanaSF Posts: 965	Aug 18, 2008 3:19 PM GMT Quote Very intimidating reply, OW.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 18, 2008 5:12 PM GMT Quote iguanaSF saidVery intimidating reply, OW. Indeed, I am wilt made manifest.
DiverScience Posts: 1021	Aug 18, 2008 5:20 PM GMT Quote obscenewish saidOh, I think "intimidating" is one of those words many gay men enjoy having applied to themselves, because it can imply that you're just so much hotter, smarter, bigger, better than the average. The word has become a virtual compliment. I know there are plenty of exceptions to this -- an angry demeanor is truly intimidating, as extreme shyness can be. But for the most part, I think it's heard as as a compliment. Just read this thread. Mostly I just take it as an excuse. "I didn't talk to you because you're intimidating." Translation: I'm scared.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 18, 2008 10:14 PM GMT Quote I agree with DiverScience......they are scared. And when people are scared, they will come up with every logic to blame someone or something else in order to cover it up. I only partially agree with obcenewish. True, a label like that can be used/enjoyed by someone looking to boast about how unique he is. But I think credence should be given to the original post....there are some guys who intimidate others and they really don't understand why. There have been many guys who I have made freinds with who later told me that they were intially scared to even look at me, much less talk to me. Made me think and alter little things about my body language, but ultimately it's not my problem. I know who I am and there are plenty who are confident with themselves and not intimidated by me.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 18, 2008 10:57 PM GMT Quote DiverScience saidMostly I just take it as an excuse. "I didn't talk to you because you're intimidating." Translation: I'm scared. Appearing intimidating = unapproachable = I'm scared. Life isn't a dixie paper plate.
musclelover52... Posts: 35	Aug 18, 2008 11:18 PM GMT Quote some people think i'm really intimidating because i'm not afraid to have an opinion and be upfront about it. i apologize for using my brain to think and formulate beliefs. i hate it when people don't have opinions. they're essentially lifeless. but back to the topic - it's one of those things where you don't want to be on my bad side. but if you're on my good side, i'm practically you're best friend. one person once described me as "vicious". i took it as a compliment
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 18, 2008 11:45 PM GMT Quote There's a guy at my gym, at least 60 years old and makes a first impression of being a little weird and possibly a little creepy but harmless, who always tries to talk to me. I saw him at a pool party a little while ago, and he came up to me with a smile and says, "Well, now that I've seen you socially, I'll make sure I talk to you even more!" "Really?" I ask, with mild apprehension. Then he says this to me: "Sure. I always make a point of talking to the most intimidating guys, because I figure they're probably the lonliest." ... It's a cute "line"... but it's also very insightful.
ObsceneWish Posts: 3566	Aug 18, 2008 11:50 PM GMT Quote iguanaSF saidVery intimidating reply, OW. Shut up, before I break your face. I'm sure there are all sorts of reasons people use this description and I confess I've heard it so much all my life that it almost led me to enroll in remedial charm school classes. It's also been the subject of endless therapy sessions. I think Diver's assessment is correct; the person using the term may be scared. But for the most part, I don't think the fear has much to do with the person being described as "intimidating." I think it's usually an expression of general shyness or social discomfort that doesn't so much blame the other person but try to make him feel special. Unless....it's me. In my case, the reason I've heard it all my life is that I can be a spectacular asshole. Perhaps you've noticed. I've been paid most of my adult life to express my opinions. I also have a long history of political activism. People who are my friends are those who have no hesitation in slapping me hard when I cross the line. It shouldn't be their responsibility to do that, and I am grateful they are willing to help. I have worked hard to be less, um, uninhibited. (My profile mentions this too.) This characteristic is both a liability and an asset in my psychology work,and everywhere else. Anyway, I've been to the endodontist today. Those are the people who do root canals. Don't fuck with me. My face is numb and I've got happy drugs.
RuggerATX Posts: 2920	Aug 18, 2008 11:59 PM GMT Quote GregStevensTX saidThere's a guy at my gym, at least 60 years old and makes a first impression of being a little weird and possibly a little creepy but harmless, who always tries to talk to me. I saw him at a pool party a little while ago, and he came up to me with a smile and says, "Well, now that I've seen you socially, I'll make sure I talk to you even more!" "Really?" I ask, with mild apprehension. Then he says this to me: "Sure. I always make a point of talking to the most intimidating guys, because I figure they're probably the lonliest." ... It's a cute "line"... but it's also very insightful. That's awesome.
nabob7729 Posts: 59	Aug 19, 2008 12:32 AM GMT Quote obscenewish said Unless....it's me. In my case, the reason I've heard it all my life is that I can be a spectacular asshole. Perhaps you've noticed. Anybody who says that about you is totally off base. You are one of the biggest sweethearts I've ever met and you have a very mellow disposition. I enjoy seeing you at the coffee house.
BIGBLKBDYBLDR Posts: 22	Aug 19, 2008 6:47 AM GMT Quote I could tell you guys lots of stories about my experiences on this subject, believe me.....like passing women in the supermarket who clutch their purses tightly when I walk by....little toddlers look scared to death or start crying if I'm standing in line behind them somewhere....getting blatantly stared at...hearing schoolgirls giggle when I walk by...etc. Luckily I'm at an age now when all that doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 19, 2008 5:03 PM GMT Quote obscenewish said Don't fuck with me. My face is numb and I've got happy drugs. /glares and mumbles A fast moving Ford would make a mess of ya...
dreamdrop Posts: 459	Aug 24, 2008 12:52 AM GMT Quote If they are over the top buff, With a complex hairdo I'm really intimated! Guys like this But when I'm feeling quite diva nothin can intimate me! This is usually when I'm with my posse of divas or tabledancers.lol
sfinboston Posts: 300	Sep 11, 2008 4:32 PM GMT Quote intimidating for some guys is that they look at people like BigSetXjock and due to their own insecurites fear rejection or not being in the same league. Having known BigSetXjock I can tell you he is the least intimidating guy around. Easy to talk with, great sense of humor, wickedly intelligent and a good heart. Being his friend it has always been fun to see guys just stare at him w/ their tongues hanging out. People always say my spouse is intimidating. He has a very serious look on his face most times and people think he is going to bite their head off if they talk to him. I dont think guys have ever seen my as intimidating, usually it is more of inviting to talk or do something else.
collegeswimmr Posts: 108	Sep 14, 2008 9:48 AM GMT Quote ha ha, I love it when guys delude themselves. I've actually told some people I won't date them because they're 'intimidating'. They love it, and leave me alone. In reality I won't date them because being close induces a gag reflex, but that's not a nice thing to say. Maybe something similar has happened to you?
meninlove Posts: 1830	Sep 14, 2008 2:10 PM GMT Quote For both of us, being told either one of us is intimidating is such a turn-off, not to mention frustrating. We consider ourselves very approachable and find this label a hindrance. That said, having an intimidating aura comes in handy at times when trying to help someone and getting others to pitch in, recalcitrant health care people being one bunch when it comes to care-giving of the aged or terminally ill. An example: We sometimes exhibit passive (or not so passive!) aggressive intimidating attitudes towards people that won't help a patient. Their excuse? "Oh, that person's dying anyway.."
Aquanerd Posts: 363	Sep 14, 2008 3:05 PM GMT Quote As I read through the posts on this thread I considered quoting quite a posts, but realized there were to many good points. First off, even if you have not been told by anyone, I would be willing to bet that every poster on this or any other website has been considered "Intimidating." I think that most of us a overtly or passively aggressive by nature. Either is intimidating. Csre in point... One of my best friends is a former co-worker. We first met when I was in college and I went into a store to apply for a job. I loved the store and had no delusions that they were going to hire me. I ask my future friend if the manager was available, she told me he was busy. I told her I would wait, I could spent time shopping in this store for hours, so I didn't mind. I ended up getting hired the next day. After working together for a year and becoming friends (she was one of the first people I came out to,) she acknowledged that the first day I came into the store I intimidated the hell out of her. If you are determined, thoughtful, confident, etc. you will be intimating to most people that have been brainwashed by political correctness to be deferential and complacent to others.
Tikvanaim Posts: 10	Sep 22, 2008 6:01 PM GMT Quote yes I've given it to myself because I always stay single for a really long time inbetween boyfriends when it gets there so I don't know what to think anymore
BeNiHiKoU Posts: 41	Oct 26, 2008 4:10 AM GMT Quote The term has indeed been used on numerous occasions, which I believe to simply be the wicked fruit of miscommunication: what was taken to be - and thus labeled as - 'intimidation' was either shyness, unease or plain frustration on my behalf - emotions resulting from being in an inadequate environment. In my case, the language barrier - English being my second language - usually prompts me to remain quiet and listen/observe before opening my mouth to babble. And I don't mind that for it fits my personality! Unfortunately, such a behavior has been perceived by many as being taciturn and detached, or aloof and retracted and that was all it took to have such an opinion conceived about me - them overzealous bastards SO quick to hastily jump to false conclusions!!!.... It initially was bothersome to me, for there's hardly anything reasonably intimidating about me - be it in stature or character. Well, may be my height, but I'm barely 165 lbs!!... However, I did not have the luxury to entertain the idea of makings changes to my behavior/personality, for I quickly saw a great advantage to the situation: my numero uno purpose when going out is 'people-watching'... So entertaining! However, it would be rather difficult - not to mention flat out plain rude - to do so while having someone attempting to strike up a conversation - for which, by the way, I would have to speak inordinately louder than usual given the noisy atmosphere at clubs and that is no bueno for me. Since people mostly don't feel inclined to approach a 'so-called' intimidating guy, I usually enjoy all the time and vocal comfort to people watch.... Now, if there is something by which I find myself intimidated, it is Male Beauty!! It's ...paralyzing to me!!!...

nabob7729 Posts: 59	Oct 26, 2008 4:39 AM GMT Quote Nice topic!. I have been described as intimidating due to my educational and life experience background. While all that is important to me in terms of making me who I am today, those experiencies are not the sum total of the individual. My advice to anyone who feels that a potential is intimidating, talk to the man. Here in the US, I'm yesterday's news, but when the aircraft doors open in Asia, Europe, or South America, I am the catch of the day. The perception in the US is that I am yesterday's news. People are people with insecurities and awesome attributes that you will never begin to comprehend unless you take the time to discover what they are all about. No matter how fine a man may seem, he is not intimidating until you make the effort to amass all the necessary evidence to make your own decisions.

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