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OK, so this has nothing to do with anything gay, I'm just curious and you can give your input on two "polite behaviors" which I value, is practiced daily and really come to expect from others. Do you or is this a Kansas thing? Give your comments on either, both or something else

1) Holding the door for the person behind you when you are in public. I always look behind me and hold the door if I'm going into a public building. More times than not I get thanked and 80% of the time people do it for me.


2) On the Interstate you move from the right hand lane over to the inside lane as you approach traffic merging (getting on to the interstate).
Sometimes its impossible... but when it is, I get my butt over for someone to get on. In Kansas we do it, more than 50% of the time.

When someone doesn't (and could have) I usually make a comment under my breath and proceed.

And you?

Just like putting the toilet seat back down, these are things my dear mommy instilled in me from an early age and I've never given second thought to...it's just automatic.

When people don't do such things, I don't assume they weren't taught to be polite...I just figure maybe what constitutes a considerate action might vary a bit here and there.

It's very important to me.

I always hold the door for the person behind me.

As for the driving thing, I always try to be polite when driving, but sometimes when I'm stressed out and late, I have to admit, I can be a little rude behind the wheel

HndsmKansan, I completely agree with you. I always try to hold the door and appreciate it when people do the same. It's just a nice, polite thing to do.

Here are a couple others that have to do with driving on the freeway:

1) If you are in the left lane and not passing traffic to the right and vehicles are behind you, you should move to the right to allow vehicles to pass.

2) If there is a vehicle or people stopped on the side of the road, either merge left or slow down and bias yourself to the left a little to make some room. I've heard too many stories where people, cops, vehicles have been hit by vehicles who stray too close to the side of the road.

Yeah, I can't stand it when people are driving slowly in the left-hand lane. Maddening! Just get over to the right, you're obviously not in a hurry!

I think overall people should just be polite and respect those around them. Rudeness is not attractive.

Sometimes I just don't look nor do I care if anyone is behind me when I'm opening a door. I think the only time I ever pay attention to that sort of thing is if someone has their hands full and looks incapable of opening the door. Then I'd give a helping hand. If the person is directly in front of me and coming the other way or directly behind me and I get to the door first then I'll hold it open. Other then that I can't say I show that much chivilary.

I rarily entertain myself or the person by standing there and holding a door open. Does that make a rude person? I don't think so.

Isn't it rude to make a comment under your breath?
I was taught if you can't say it loud enough for people to hear then you're better off not saying anything at all. Not only does that seem rude but I'd be inclined to think someone was a big ole' puss especially if I were to hear them and question them on what they just said and they give me the "Oh, nothing!" answer or quickly change what they said.

Am I rude for thinking this?

The first and last thing a gay man must be is correct.

My partner and I operate on the theory that because we are a gay couple that our behaviour must be just that extra bit more impeccable than the straight couple that are sitting next to us. We must be more correct just to be equal.


Please see,

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Manners-Heaven-Divine-Behaviour-Flamingo/dp/000654133X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206661350&sr=1-2

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Emily-Posts-Etiquette-Post/dp/0066209579/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206661408&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Manners-Guide-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior/dp/0393058743/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206661458&sr=1-1

Ciao
Terry

The polite thing to do is assume that the person you perceive as being rude is merely thoughtless.

Well that is what Emily Post says and it is the golden rule of etiquette, there is nothing worse than pointing out the poor etiquette of others. If one does nothing more or less than that then it is a fine start.

I do both, Kansan. It costs nothing to be courteous. And this is more about courtesy than politesse.

I always hold the door for people, and I usually get the same courtesy. I don't drive often, but when I do, I am *mostly* a courteous driver. One of my politeness peeves is when 3+ people walk abreast on a sidewalk and force others to walk on the road or on someone else's lawn in order to proceed.

Good manners are like foreplay for me.

mnjock2003 saidGood manners are like foreplay for me.

Aren't YOU the saucy wench.

If you can eat with a knife and fork without having to switch hands I would probably do almost anything you asked.

It is all to the good - and is just being considerate of your fellow man. Using good manners makes everything go smoothly for you. A gentleman is defined by the way he treats those around him, and those who serve him.

(no bondage pun intended!)

So THAT was the point of the book "To Serve Man". And here I thought it was a cookbook.

Jockbod48 said...,. and those who serve him.

(no bondage pun intended!)

I see.......

Sure, I hold the door for people behind me. . . let drivers who need to change lanes move over into my lane. . . often smile and say hi to strangers on the street (always do that while I'm out running and always get a positive response). . . when I'm in NY and on the subway, will always give up my seat to a woman or older person. . . all that stuff. It's just polite gentlemanly behavior.

I think polite behavior varies by region. Compared to Austin, Denver or Phoenix (other cities where I have lived), people in Houston tend to be less polite in public. As for driving? Fuhhhgettaboutit. I suspect there is an inverse correlation between population density and social etiquette. Interestingly, though, people in San Francisco were quick to offer me directions when I was lost while in search of the Moscone, although they weren't so nice at the local gym.

LittleDudeWithMuscles said Sure, I hold the door for people behind me. . . let drivers who need to change lanes move over into my lane. . . .

On the other hand, I lurk beneath the overpass on I-95 and wait for you to go by so I can speed up and cut you off.

Who knew you could have so much fun in a car? Well, in the front seat, anyway.

HndsmKansan....You're just a fine man who hasn't lost his midwestern roots. What can I say, etiquette is something that is learned and valued which remains still true to this day in the heartland. Call me naive, but one time I hiked in the Appalachian Mts of Virginia and said hello to everyone I encountered on the trail. Very few people would return my greeting back to me. Of course, I understood that when I got back to the parking lot and after looking at the various license plates of the parked vehicles, I began to confront what I had perceived all along. Those that lived north of the Mason-Dixon Line were not as eager to say hello to me as those south of it. Regional etiquette and how you have grown up has alot to do with it. Stay true to your core values man. Hiker

I always hold the doors, esp for ladies.

I also let ladies off the elevator first.

I tend to drive in the left lane, because I drive fast...but not too fast. Virginia is strict! However, if someone drives up from behind me, I get over to let him pass.

I try to be polite.

I certainly try not to go on a thread and ruin other people's fun.

I live in FL now, and I find people here to be extremely polite, in both North and South FL. Also lived in CA, found people there to be polite too.

I lived for a while in St. Louis -- and I'm sure this will infuriate some people -- but by comparison, I found St. Louisians astoundingly rude.

I don't mean everyone I encountered, but across-the-board -- in business or personal relationships, I noticed some really unbelievable behavior.

Driving -- NOBODY lets you change lanes in front of them. People will do ANYTHING to keep you from doing that, including speeding up to cut you off -- and occasionally nearly causing a wreck. I was probably cut off half a dozen times a day. Never had that happen anywhere else. I've been in FL four years, and that virtually never, ever happens. At least not to me.

Greeting strangers when out walking/running -- Are you kidding? NOBODY said hello back. Finally gave up on that one.

Even encountering friends or work colleagues at the mall, or at a restaurant -- it's like no one could handle seeing you 'out of context' -- it's like, 'omigod, I know this person from work -- but I've NEVER seen this person AT THE MALL before, WHAT DO I DO?!?!'

I mean, what was that all about? It's not that way anywhere else I've lived. I run into someone I know at the mall, we stop and talk or whatever, it's always very friendly.

I could go on and on. Once, I was at a very busy cafeteria at the corporate headquarters of a Fortune 100 company -- purportedly civilized people. A lady fainted -- just dropped like a rock to the floor. I ran over to help her. She could've been dead, for all anyone knew. While I was tending to her, literally at least a HUNDRED PEOPLE walked past us in this very crowded cafeteria over a ten-minute period. NOT ONE PERSON offered to help in any way.

For nearly all these people, this woman was a colleague. But they all acted like a bunch of zombies; no one even looked at us. A couple of people actually stepped over her laid-out body to get past her. Unbelievable. I didn't have my cell, so I started yelling for someone to call 911. FINALLY someone did, reluctantly and after making a face at me (?!?)

When I told this story to some natives, they laughed and said, 'Yep, that's St. Louis,' and said something about how people there didn't like to 'get involved.'

The bizarre antecdotes began to pile up. They happened so often that I concluded it was beyond coincidence or bad luck. I eventually chalked it up to some sort of strange geographical quirk. I've lived in many places, and before or since, never encountered rudeness so frequently and at such an elevated level.

Sorry for the rant, sorry if I seem to be stereotyping on Midwesterners and sorry if I offended any St. Louisians. . .but reading this thread brought back some really wretched memories. . . and to this day I still don't understand such strange and pervasive behavior. . .

mnjock2003 saidIf you can eat with a knife and fork without having to switch hands I would probably do almost anything you asked.

Get on a plane and fly your ass out here.

Politeness is what it's all about. Do unto others, and you will receive 10 fold. Holding a door or an elevator, or lowering the toilet seat is just common courtesies. Every facet of life has it's boundaries and although we all cross the line on occasion, I think for the most part, people are courteous.

Good questions HK, thanks for bringing it up. Never hurts for all of us to be reminded on occasion.

Yes, polite behavior is important to me. I almost always hold doors open and never forget to say please and thank you.

Thanks mom.

opening the door for someone is a pet peeve of mine. i always will do it no matter who it is for. and if someone holds it open for me i always say "thank you very much"

females are the worst at being polite. they rarely hold the door open and rarely say "thank you". it drives me crazy.

There's nothing worst than someone that is not polite, I hate that, I think that those small detailse nothing and make you seem like a really nice person

Always, always, always... politeness and common courtesy (which doesn't seem to be so common lately) are the foundation of the social graces. Growing up in NC, my mom and grandmother taught me from early on to be a gentleman. I hold doors and let people merge when driving, among other things.

Funny thing is that the older I get, the more I notice those traits (or lack of them) in others, and the less patience I seem to have for rudeness.

Sharpening my teeth in NY...
and now living in Miami where impoliteness is a contact sport...it really burns my ass
does it take that much to let someone get in front of you
on the highway?
so NOW I don't get mad.... I get even

Good Manner's seem to have got "lost" these days as most people are up there own arse and greedy and selfish and thats the Trend! Maybe break up of the family or TV adverts are to blame l don't know but l hate bad manner's to me its ignorance! Here now where l live they have good manner's except the car drivers and they do respect most of them and age is not a problem here and the Family is important good or bad.

The worst l ever found was in NYC fucking rude arseholes most of them!

TurkishDelightThe worst l ever found was in NYC fucking rude arseholes most of them!

That's a shame that you had that kind of experience in NYC. I've been there many times and only encountered one rude person... a Port Authority officer who was apparently having a crappy day.

Even in LA, DC, and San Francisco (back when I lived there), I rarely encountered rudness, though it may be different now.

Actually, now that I think about it, the rudest people I've encountered were in the larger cities in my home state of NC. Most of the people in the smaller communities were very polite and hospitable, but not so much in the larger cities. Maybe it has something to do with inner city living?

mnjock2003 saidIf you can eat with a knife and fork without having to switch hands I would probably do almost anything you asked.

sorry But I don't want to sound rude. But If I sit at a table with Americans. I am the only one to use a knife and fork. I was forced to eat like this from childhood. But Americans eat only with a fork. Ma be cut it all up then use a fork. This is not the right way. Sorry guys. Maybe Aussie, But live with American, and have American friends, and go to America.

1, I always hold the door open.

2, After driving in America. I know why Americans dawn here never indicate to change lanes. Because as soon as you do. They speed up, so you are unable to get in front of them.

yes I move over to let them on.

3, I say: yes Ma'am, and thank you Sir; very American. But I use Ma'am.

PattisonBut Americans eat only with a fork.

Some of us do this all the time, some of us do this some of the time, and some of us never do this.

I fall into the category of some of the time. There are some foods that simply do not require a knife... like scrambled eggs or farfalle alfredo. There are some foods that only require fingers... like sandwiches, hamburgers and fried chicken. Other foods... like a nice filet mignon... require a knife.

Etiquette... or some parts of it at least... can vary greatly from region to region in the US. It can also vary here depending on the social setting... for example... one would usually not even dream of using fingers for fried chicken at a formal dinner, whereas, using fingers for that same fried chicken at an informal cookout is considered acceptable... especially in southern states.

Pattison2, After driving in America. I know why Americans dawn here never indicate to change lanes. Because as soon as you do. They speed up, so you are unable to get in front of them.

I never thought of that, but it does make sense. I thought it was because they were lazy drivers, or they just didn't know what the signal switch actually does. I always signal for lane changes, merging on a highway, and for turning.

Walking across the street, at least around here, is very dangerous. Drivers don't yield to pedestrians as they're supposed to do... instead, they see you crossing and they speed up in an attempt to hit you. It's almost like they're playing some sort of game in which they score points for hitting people...

NativeDude said[quote][cite]Pattison[/cite]2, After driving in America. I know why Americans dawn here never indicate to change lanes. Because as soon as you do. They speed up, so you are unable to get in front of them.

I never thought of that, but it does make sense. I thought it was because they were lazy drivers, or they just didn't know what the signal switch actually does. I always signal for lane changes, merging on a highway, and for turning.

Walking across the street, at least around here, is very dangerous. Drivers don't yield to pedestrians as they're supposed to do... instead, they see you crossing and they speed up in an attempt to hit you. It's almost like they're playing some sort of game in which they score points for hitting people...
[/quote]Because we dawn here in Oz. Drive one the apposite side of the road. Lots of Americans get hit by car dawn here. As when they steep out, they look left first, and not right. maybe Aussies have the same trouble in the USA. But one has never heard of it

Yes it is important. So is using respectful language (even in fights).

I always hold the door, yet more often than not, the person just walks through and never says a word or even looks at you. "Thanks" would be nice, but I'll check myself and think: Are you doing this as a selfless act of kindness, or do you need to be recognized? I always acknowledge that courtesy when others do it for me. It's the right thing to do.

You would think that people on a freeway would be swift enough to move to allow merging traffic to enter, but I see so many clueless people on the road. I hate to say it, but our society today is "It's all about me and screw you!" Few drivers use signals anymore because they are too involved on their cell phones. Stop signs? They're everyone elses problem. I ride a bike to work and back every day, and the selfishness that I observe is unreal. I dodge death often because drivers are indifferent to cyclists. People my age have done a poor job of teaching respect and courtesy to the next generation. It shows on the road.

I've found that politeness (and what is deemed as polite) is different regionally. Where I live (Boston) has a reputation of being impolite, but a lot of times that is because we're in a different situation, and people are judging us against rules that would be appropriate in their home region.

For example, the basic rule in getting around here, whether driving or walking, is "don't get in the way". We have very narrow streets and there are a lot of us trying to get around, so the rules that you would have when you have four lanes of traffic both ways don't really apply here. For example, if you see someone trying to make a turn across traffic, the best thing to do here is to speed ahead so as not to stop traffic in both directions. Also, if you see a person looking to cross the street (not at a crosswalk), don't stop, but move forward so I can cross after you've moved on, as I don't want to stop the flow of traffic. I've seen people create car crashes behind them because of this.

While this could be seen as rude for people outside this area, we're actually looking out for each other.

The laser cannons on the front of my car usually resolve those pesty etiquette questions on the roadway.

And I am not embarrassed being caught pounding on the Close door button on an elevator as often as I am elated that I got the elevator to myself.


........

I always hold the door for the person behind me, unless im a big big big rush and im basically running

and i dont have a car now, but when i did have a car back home..well, our streets are fucked up back home, anyone can drive whichever way the want, lol, there are laws...but like no one follows them

Overall politeness is essential for me when it comes to dating or friendship. If people aren't considerate then why have them in your life? I live in West Virginia (where I grew up) for the time being and here politeness is a religion. The level of what constitutes politeness here is so impossibly high that whenever you go anywhere else you have to adjust to the "rudeness."

For me the rudest places are not the big cities but rather the ones that are almost exclusively white collar. Cities that have a large working class have people with better manners, I find.

As for holding the door open, I have an "eight feet rule." If someone is within eight feet of the door then I will hold it open for them and expect the same, but beyond that holding the door open isn't good manners, it's being a doorman. Whenever I do hold the door open for someone and they fail to say "thank you" I still say "your welcome." Sometimes they get the point but most often they do not.

On the issue of driving, the passing lane thing can drive me crazy. People should always be aware of those behind them and that's where people around here fail the politness test. Things here move slow and people are so used to that that they fall into their own little world and move at their own pace without ever realizing that someone is behind them, and that's on the road, in a grocery store or at the mall. And to me that's incredibly rude and where cities like New York and Los Angeles are far more polite.

It's ALL VERY important to me! Like you HndsmKansan I practice the same, however UNLIKE you I don't say things UNDER my breath, DAMN MY BIG MOUTH!!

I happen to be a native New Yorker who is very polite and courteous. I smile and say hello to people on elevators as well as at the store and restaurants, extend thanks appropriately, say please when asking for things, hold doors and practice good driving etiquette.

I feel sad when people say New Yorkers are rude because often it's the transplants to New York who take the rude thing to a new level. It seems they feel there is something cool about the rude mystique.

I'm not saying we don't have our share of them, just that it's not as bad as people think it is and often it's not a real New Yorker who is being rude.

I can also be rude when it is appropriate because as a New Yorker I certainly will not be walked on by anyone.

Creyente, I have a difficult time imagining you being rude.

I do my best to be nice and considerate as often as possible, because I know there are certainly times I forget to be, whether intentionally or not. Karma, and all that.

zdrew78 saidCreyente, I have a difficult time imagining you being rude.

ummm.... shut up you, you, bitch you...

How was that?

lol, thanks Zdrew that was sweet.

creyente said[quote][cite]zdrew78 said[/cite]Creyente, I have a difficult time imagining you being rude.

ummm.... shut up you, you, bitch you...

How was that?

lol, thanks Zdrew that was sweet.[/quote]

Yah yah, yadda yadda...shaddup, will ya, ya effin' sissy?

zdrew78 said[quote][cite]creyente said[/cite][quote][cite]zdrew78 said[/cite]Creyente, I have a difficult time imagining you being rude.

ummm.... shut up you, you, bitch you...

How was that?

lol, thanks Zdrew that was sweet.[/quote]

Yah yah, yadda yadda...shaddup, will ya, ya effin' sissy? [/quote]

lmao

How is it that people outside of NY do the rude thing soooo much better than me?

Don't stress about it, creyente, sweetie. I'm from Alaska, and ice runs in our veins.

Oh...wait. Alaskans are supposed to be warm, fuzzy, and somewhat eccentric, a cross between Montanans and North Dakotans, but with more body fat. Maybe the iciness is just specific to me.

Theres such a thing as common courtesy, yes but I can't say that I would go out of my way to really help someone I didn't know. If I'm in a store, I don't want to talk at a register, I want to get in and get out. Not being rude, small talk is just boring and mind rotting most of the time.

I am polite. I say please and thank you, hold doors, push elevator buttons, etc.

death_dodge saidTheres such a thing as common courtesy, yes but I can't say that I would go out of my way to really help someone I didn't know. If I'm in a store, I don't want to talk at a register, I want to get in and get out. Not being rude, small talk is just boring and mind rotting most of the time.

Ah. Now my time at a register is a comedy hour. I can think of silly remarks to make all the time. The clerks get a big laugh out of it, which brightens their day, and I get better service many times over at the stores when I return. Everybody knows me at my organic food market. The tellers at my bank all shout hellos when they see me come in. I was voted favorite patient at my chiro's office, complete with my picture on the wall.

I have a wonderful time getting laughs!

VERY.

I say thank you and please whenever I can. Pick up things if someone dropped it. Help carry heavy stuff. Open doors. All the things mama taught me. ROFL

It's funny because often when you show politeness, the other person will more often than not try to outdo you, and the whole interaction becomes pleasanter.

An example. A secondhand bookstore clerk I was buying some books from couldn't make the change. I told him to keep it. From then on every time I was there, he'd make the effort of showing me the new stocks still unshelved, recommend books to me, even set aside the SF and Fantasy books I usually buy so I didn't have to wade through all the stuff. How's that for a reward?

Sometimes the reward is just the warm feeling you get. Once in a jeepney ( a filipino public transportation vehicle), a woman was seated at the endmost part of the jeepney. It was raining and she was getting wet. I switched places. I got wet, but the smile she gave me and her comment ('In this day and age, I didn't know there are still gentlemen') was enough for me.

Don't get me wrong, small talk bores the hell out of me. But rudeness is never an option for me. Rudeness begets rudeness and vice versa.

Always. My Grandfather who was very successful in business always to said to us,

"it is nice to be nice to everyone you meet"

Always try my best to be courteous, in all the ways previously mentioned. I have found that the farther East you go, the level of politeness and courtesy goes down exponentially. Where I'm from in the rural Midwest, people always wave at you when they drive by you whether they know you or not.

My biggest courtesy pet peeve is store clerks who say "have a good one" instead of "thank you" when concluding a transaction. I've worked retail in some form or fashion my whole life, and saying "Thank You" was the FIRST thing I was taught. When I'm shopping somewhere, I expect to be thanked for giving any store my business, but it seems that isn't taught anymore, and that's a shame.

I had it taught to me as a child so it's automatic. I've noticed that throughout the country that the conventions of 'polite behavior' vary as much as the local cultures do. There seems to be so little effort required for simple etiquette that I guess I don't understand the question of whether to use it. If it is simple ignorance that someone doesn't practice it or intentional rudeness is no reason for me to stop doing something that's almost as automatic as breathing.

Even here on RJ, having been attacked unjustly, I wouldn't retaliate in like except to defend myself if I thought it would have resulted in a change. Otherwise, retaliation is simply rude and displays the same ignorance as the attack.

I always thought it was summed up beautifully in the movie 'Blast From The Past' where Troy says:
"...good manners are a way we have of showing other people that we respect them. See, you'd eat like a slob if you were alone, but since another human being is present, you show that person respect by going to the trouble of having proper manners. I didn't know that. I thought it was a way of appearing superior."

My Mum always taught me to hold the door for the next person behind you, so anymore it's just something automatic that I do and always have someone say "thank you" for doing so. Its corny but its nice to have a total stranger say thank you for doing something so small.

I live down in Florida and people just can't drive and when they do drive they DO NOT think of anyone but themselves. So people actually moving into the inside lane so that people can merge, that's just a pipe dream down here lolol