By Joseph Carman

Anyone who has received a professional massage knows the benefits and pleasures of stress relief and relaxed muscles. But what if you can't afford the $80-plus per hour on any kind of regular basis? There are a number of techniques that a rank amateur can practice on or receive from his lover or buddy (f- or otherwise). The only tools you need are a little massage oil, a towel, a yoga mat (or floor mattress), a chair, a bed, and some willing hands.

Before you do anything, get into the right frame of mind by setting the mood. Turn off the cell phone, lower the lighting, and click off the TV. Make sure the room is warm and quiet. If you want soft music or candlelight, go for it. Just give yourself at least 15 minutes of down time.

You can do any or all of these techniques or combine them as you choose:

1. Back massage on yoga mat (see Photo 1): The back often takes the brunt of physical stress, so this is a great place to start. Have your partner lie prone on the yoga mat (pillow-biting position in layman's terms). Place the pillow under his head and have him turn his head to one side and rest it on the pillow. Place a little massage oil on your hands and rub them together to create heat. Next, straddle him, and put your hands on the small of his back—keeping the pressure light at first—and slowly stroke his back with your palms, alternating pressure between your two hands, up the middle of the back on either side of the spinal column. (Think of skating slowly up the back with your hands.) Ask your partner for feedback on the pressure. When you get up to the neck, return to the lower back and repeat. Then place yourself on your buddy's left side, and, starting from the shoulder area, move the palms in an outward circular motion. Alternate your right and left hands, slowly moving down the back to the butt. After massaging both sides, place a towel length-wise on his back, and, walking your hands slowly up and down one side of the back, rock sideways back and forth with your palms flat. (Think of the way a cat walks on your back, rocking back and forth between her paws.) Right about now, you're buddy should be purring.
2. Abdominal massage (see Photo 2): Have your partner lie on his back on a yoga mat. If he needs support for his lower back, place a pillow under his knees to alleviate the pressure on the back. Kneel beside him. (Stand up and have him lie on a bed if you have knees problems.) Without oil, place one hand on his upper abdomen and the other one below his navel. (Your hands should rest parallel to each other.) Allow your palms to sink in without applying pressure. After a few minutes, put a little oil on your hands. Using a clockwise circular motion, alternate the right and left palm, applying light pressure from the base of the rib cage to the lower abs. Do this very slowly. Don't be surprised if his kundalini rises. Or anything else.
3. Neck massage (see Photo 3): For this, have your buddy sit in a chair while you stand behind him. Without oil, place your thumbs at the base of his skull, on either side of the spine. Rest your fingers on the back of his head. Let your thumbs "walk" down the sides of the vertebrae all the way to the base of the neck. Next, place one hand on his forehead for support, and apply more pressure with your thumb down the sides of the vertebrae. When you get to the base of the neck, squeeze along the trapezius (that tense, triangular muscle that extends from the neck to the outer shoulder). If he moans, you're doing it right.
4. Foot massage (see Photo 4): A big favorite. Rest his foot in your lap, and just as you did with the neck massage, walk your thumbs down the middle of the sole of his foot, with your fingers wrapped around it. Experiment with other areas (the heel, the ankle). Be careful: He might ask you to marry him on the spot.
5. Cradling the head (see Photo 5): This one is so simple, you'd never know it was so effective.. Have your buddy lie on his back across a bed with his head near the bed's edge. Sitting in a chair, slide your hands underneath his skull, so that his head is resting comfortably in your palms. Now just stay there for five to 10 minutes. He'll be out like a drunken sailor in no time flat.

Once you're done, make sure he does the same to you. Everyone needs to be kneaded.

Joseph Carman is a contributing editor for >Dance Magazine who writes for the New York Times and the Advocate, as well as other publications. A former professional dancer, he is now a bodybuilder, a licensed massage therapist, and the author of Round About the Ballet (Limelight Editions, 2004).